The song Daughters by John Mayer gets to me. Every.Single.Time. In case you don’t know it, I’ll share the lyrics.

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman’s good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [3x]

 

broken

Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made

That part chokes me up every time  I hear it. When it comes on the radio, it propels me into deep thought.

As I’m actually dealing with the mess for the first time in my life, I wonder how my life would look without the weight of what HE did. It isn’t fair that I had to pay for his sins against the world.

However, with that thought, I realize that I wouldn’t have the insight or compassion that are such a big part of who I am without those experiences. Sure, it isn’t fair. Sure, most days it sucks. I can’t look at a daughter father pair without a pang of pain somewhere deep inside. There is a ‘trauma free life’ sized hole in my heart. These are the moments that make me so appreciative of the wholesome moments I have with the family I created on my own.

And here I am, picking up the pieces. The problem is that not all of the pieces are there to work with in the first place, so it’s more like creating something from nothing. Sometimes, it’s a task that is far too daunting. Sometimes, it’s filled with so much reward that I don’t know how to handle it.

-in pieces

 

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